Vanity publishing – know the realities and grab the Maalox

“I’ve decided to self-publish my book.”


My heart always sinks a degree when an author tells me this because it’s never a joyous decision, but one of defeat and resignation. They got tired of wading through countless submissions and subsequent rejections and decided they’d rather “settle” than either shelve the story or continue trying. The “why’s” don’t really matter. But what does matter is the idea that vanity presses insist their services are a win-win deal.


In the past several days I’ve seen repeated mention of how the vanity plan is a win-win deal, and I always wonder what kind of tarragon they’re smoking. Sure, on the surface it sounds great. What? I can see my book in print? I can be a published author? Heck yeah, where do I sign? But to me, this win-win mantra is saying, “Your writing sucks too much to be published by a real publisher and no one will publish you. But we will.”


Ok, maybe that’s unusually harsh, and I temper that opinion by recognizing there are many reasons why authors choose this avenue, but ON AVERAGE authors choose this due to excessive rejections. Remember, this is pay to play, and there is no litmus test for talent or marketability other than the size of your checkbook.


Be that as it may, authors are still going to go this route, so they should at least be aware of the concerns:


Quality – this is a business of quantity not quality, and when you have thousands of authors clamoring for their books, you need to get them out the door asap. And it shows. I’ve seen books that made me wince. The cover art was ineffective run-of-the-mill clip art, and the interior design consisted of little more than Spell Check. Interior design is an art that requires the skills of someone who knows what they’re doing. Books haven’t even been properly formatted, but are merely put into pdf format and zapped off to the printer.


Cohesiveness – It’s a fact that employees come and go. This happens with publishing houses as well. But I’ve talked to vanity authors who worked, not with an editor, but an account manager. An. Account. Manager. This, alone, should tip anyone off to the priorities of this business plan. Their focus is on moving files through the maze of production, and has nothing to do with quality or editing. I’ve talked to other authors who worked with “editors,” but in reality, they were nothing more than account managers as well. Slog the manuscript through Spell Check, move it down line and out the door.


What are the qualifications of an account manager or “editor”? And what happens when one leaves? Presumably their files are spread out to other account managers. I’ve talked with authors whose books fell through the cracks when their account managers left. Oftentimes they had no idea they’d been orphaned until they asked what was going on with their books. Month, two-month-long delays are not unusual.


“A real publisher will pick it up” – Oboy, I see this all the time, and nothing could be more false. Read my lips: vanity books do not open doors to real publishers. It’s just the opposite. The industry doesn’t view vanity books as a legitimate publishing credit because there is no rejection threshold other than the size of the author’s checkbook. This is seen as a route for the impatient and/or hobbyist writers – not serious writers. A vanity published book is akin to driving a brand new car off the lot. The minute that car hits the street, it depreciates and looses value. With all the fabulous, unpublished works out there, that is where we focus our attention.


Sales, distribution – This is one of the biggest heartaches I see. Authors find out too late that their books will never be distributed to store shelves, there will be no sales teams pitching their books. Virtually every sale has to originate from the author without benefit from any help from the vanity press. Unless the author is a public speaker and can garner sales from the back of the room, selling is exhausting work and hideously expensive.


Ultimate risk – Getting back to this win-win, ‘we’re a collaborative team,’ ‘we’re giving authors the chance they deserve’ scenario that vanity presses espouse, authors must understand who, in reality, has the ultimate risk. Benevolence is lovely, but it doesn’t sell books. Remember, authors pay to play. The more services a publisher offers, the more the package costs. Obviously, the profit margin is built into those prices, so there is no risk. Remember that all sales responsibilities are on the author’s shoulders, so what happens if the book doesn’t sell? Since the author shelled out big money, I'm willing to bet the vanity press isn't taking a hit. Not at those prices.


In the end, I realize there will still be a large community who, after seeing all the negatives, will still take their chances because their desire to be see their work between covers is stronger. And this is what the vanity presses are banking on. But, at least, those authors can go into this brave new world with their eyes wide open.